i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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