Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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