now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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