Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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