i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
