I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
