All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
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Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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