Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
