Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
