i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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