Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
