Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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