i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
