don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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