Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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