he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
