Im at strip club and am horny
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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