My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Everything about him screamed your future.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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