I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
