soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
