i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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