we made out on top of his cat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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