Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
