just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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