I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
