gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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