brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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