Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
