I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
