dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
