I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
