sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
