I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
