I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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