Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
