I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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