so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
