Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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