dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
smell my finger.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
