Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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