Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
