If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
