We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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