so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
