On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
