at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
