I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
