HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
