I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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