How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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