Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
