i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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