And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's always time for handjobs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
