dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
