yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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