girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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