We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
