i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
