He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
