hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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