why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
someone owes me an orgasm
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ttyl tear gas
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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