you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
